Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
