Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
They left me at home... I'm a liability
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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