I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
