Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
