That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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