There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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