There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She bit a glass in half.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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