Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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