and you said cock pushups were impossible
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
