I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
