Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
