Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
