Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
