Nicole vs. Life
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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