No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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