:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
