she woke up with a sticky ear
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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