she looked like the bat from fern gully.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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