My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
