you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
