genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
