who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
