just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm getting married
To pizza
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
