He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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