Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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