At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
