that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
