i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
