i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
