Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
