i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
