Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
