**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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