yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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