dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
FUCK WHALES
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
