I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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