Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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