I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
