The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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