wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
