I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
