Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
FUCK WHALES
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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