I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
