Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He better not be in your backpack
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
