I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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