Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just cropdusted the office
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
