now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
