i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
