We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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