Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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