Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
