If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
mondays should just be called national damage control day
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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