I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
